Coming to Terms with Hardships & Sharing Big Plans to Overcome Them

Titling this post was hard. Starting it was even harder.

I almost went with “Where You Been?” as the title because that’s something I’ve been asking myself. I haven’t updated the blog in a few months. And, as time passed, the excuses kept piling on. Travel plans, new job, boyfriend, family, exhaustion…you name it, I used it to justify why I wasn’t writing.

But enough is enough. It’s time to confess why I haven’t been updating and do something about it. So I’m here to tell you my story and announce the new (and scary) way I’m going to turn things around.

Coming to Terms with Hardships & Sharing Big Plans to Overcome Them

So What Happened?

I wrote this whole post and skipped this section. I went back and forth trying to decide if I should tell you the whole story or just share the safe version. Even writing this now I’m scared and, while no blogger ever thinks this, I’m hoping no one is actually reading this.

But……here goes the whole story.

Last August I lost my job. I had just accepted it only a few months earlier and felt on top of the world. I was a regular on the speaking circuit. I’d earned a reputation for being an effective, capable marketer. I was coming from a senior position at an agency where, as a consultant, I was paid to tell people what I think. So I was taking on a new challenge with a company that was lucky to have me.

I was unstoppable and had the (over)confidence to prove it. So you could imagine my complete surprise when I suddenly got called in for the “this isn’t working” chat. Anyone who ever lost their job will know too well the cyclical wave of emotions that I felt – denial, false optimism, anger, extreme sadness.

Looking back, I think I handled this hardship better than most.

That overconfidence kicked in and I started planning my next move the moment I got home from my old employer’s office. I kept telling myself, it’s all good girl, you’ll find something in no time. I clung onto the fact that I had a solid resume and experience, plus a ton of connections who constantly asked to work with me. And, since I’m a true believer in the whole “everything happens for a reason” thing, I kept the silver lining in mind as I realized this would give me time to find what motivates me and focus on my own interests.

Little did I know I would have six long months to focus on those motivations and interests. I hit up all my connections, applied for countless jobs. I was patient. I waited.

…………….and waited.

At first, I was rational about why I wasn’t getting any bites. I was only applying for roles that really interested me in the beginning. But as I cast my net wider and still barely heard back or passed phone screens, my confidence chipped away little by little.

The devastating thoughts started creeping: Why can’t you find a job, Adria? You’ve had countless people tell you that they admire you and that you’ve helped their business or career. You’re in marketing for fuck sake. Can’t you even market yourself? You’re a piece of shit.

These thoughts eventually overtook my confidence and, eventually, my self-esteem.

I think the hardest part of unemployment is the embarrassment that comes along with it. I remember an article I read a while back (ok, a headline I read) that said something along the lines of “Asking People What They Do Is the Worst Way to Start a Convo.” Now I understand what that meant.

American society puts a lot of emphasis on what you do. It’s the first question you’re asked in social situations and, if you grow up in a family like mine, you’re taught over time to associate your value with your academic or professional accomplishments. Not having accomplishments to brag about diminishes that worth. And I especially associated my work with my self esteem.

At this point you might be asking why the heck I’m writing about this on my lighthearted lifestyle blog. Well, this is where my story and The Emerald Palate converge.

I wanted to avoid the, “So, what do you do?” question at all costs.

And so, since I wasn’t finding work the traditional way, I decided to go another route. I kept applying for “real” jobs, but I also started pursuing another game plan: focus on my blog and pickup some freelance consulting work to pay the bills and buy me time to see if I can turn it into something.

That decision changed my answer to the dreaded, “What do you do?” question. I wasn’t unemployed anymore. I was a “consultant” and “entrepreneur”. I was forging my own path and not chained to the 9-to-5. The over (and now false) confidence came back and I stuck to my story with pride. People might have been dubious and known my answer was a euphemism for unemployment, but their reactions (even if faked) gave me more resolve to really try to build something.

So I picked up some freelance work and started tackling my blog like it was a client. I started slow, updating it more to get back into the flow of having a blog to manage. Then I started asking myself branding questions, mapping a new site architecture, focusing on what I wanted it to be. I started thinking about how I could turn it into a business and even started making a business plan.

At the time, I was all in. I was going to make my own opportunities and love what I do. And it worked for a few months. I outlined my blog and business plan and began executing the smaller, manageable tasks that would help lead to the bigger ideas. Things were happening. Everything was going as planned!

Until it wasn’t.

The realities of being an “entrepreneur” (or in my case, unemployed with ideas) started setting in. First, I was running out of cash. Some freelance gigs, savings, and the government were biding me time, but I hadn’t prepared financially to take time off to build a business.

But second, and most importantly, I was trying to come up with an idea that would save me. Most people start a business because they either already have an amazing idea or they turn something they’ve been doing forever into a business. Trying to make yourself an entrepreneur out of thin air doesn’t really work. Or at least not in the time frame I needed it to start happening.

It took me a few months to realize this, but finally I had a real talk with myself. I admitted that the creative energy of honing my ideas was draining. And it was even more exhausting having to deal with the bullshit of trying to freelance and getting rejected by employers. So I silenced the voice in my head — But you’re giving up before you even started anything! — by shouting over it: I’m not financially or mentally ready to do this. I like security more than I like risk. And I don’t want to be poor and have to live with my sister.

So begrudgingly, I focused on finding a full-time job and put the bigger ideas for The Emerald Palate aside. I told myself I’d get everything for my blog in working order so I could keep up the rhythm of running it while I worked full time. My biggest fear was letting the ball drop on my blog, so I wanted to have a game plan for making sure that didn’t happen.

Finally, the day came.

I landed a full-time gig at a social media company we all use everyday. The test started: will I overcome the challenges of having another commitment that takes up the majority of my time and keep The Emerald Palate going?

Since I’m writing this post, you know the answer. I failed. Slowly, but still. Failure.

When I dig down and ask myself why, I know the answer. My life list includes my new job, my boyfriend, my family, my health, and my blog. Unfortunately, I only have time for three or four of these things. Since security and money are important to me, and because I’m actually enjoying my new job, unfortunately, the blog moved down that life list.

And you know what? That’s ok. It took me a while to realize that making your blog into this big chore will make you less likely to stick with it. And I fell into that. I stopped updating at first because of lack of time, but then as time went on and I started feeling guilt for not executing my “big ideas”, I started looking at this as a chore.

And that’s how I ended up here, writing this post after more than a month of silence.

What Are You Going to Do About It?

I’m going to start by first learning to say no to other commitments. I need to find time to focus on my blog while also being realistic about it. And I need to look at my blog as if I’m tackling weight loss. I won’t stick with it if I start cutting everything out tomorrow and giving it 100%. I need to start small, be realistic, and over time build it into habit. I’ve done this before. I just need to do it again.

Second, I’m going to find a way to hold myself accountable. I’ve tried being organized with to-do lists, editorial calendars, pre-scheduling content, etc. And I give myself credit for being pretty good at consistency once I find a rhythm that works. But what I need help on is finding a way to overcome the fear of launching bigger projects. I have a tendency to stick my head in the sand whenever I’m faced with tasks I find daunting or risky. I’ve been wresting with my big ideas for The Emerald Palate for almost nine months now. But I haven’t had the confidence, accountability, or direction to execute it.

I need to stop focusing on my weaknesses and start playing to my strengths. I’m good at coming up with systems for staying organized and finding time. I’m not so good at committing to a direction or idea that I find overwhelmingly scary. So, to find a way around this weakness, I’m going to enlist some help.

Introducing The Passion Co.

I got a pitch email a few weeks ago. You know the kind bloggers get where we’re asked to promote something. I almost ignored this one because it was for this program called The Passion Co. which promised to, “Help me find and kick start my passion.”

My blog is about experiencing the Pacific Northwest through food, its artisans, and local travel. I don’t write about “finding your calling” and “going after it”. I’m not a motivational, self-help writer. Hell, I can barely help myself when it comes to making life decisions. So the first thought I had was, did this person even look at my blog?

I decided to ignore it.

But I found myself consistently thinking about some of the information in that email. It explained how The Passion Co. was a San Francisco-based company that helps people find out what motivates them and helps them launch a passion project. Megan, the woman who wrote the email, enthusiastically detailed how the program is expanding into Seattle and hosting its first course. She wrote:

We are no longer defined by our 9-to-5, as our parents may have been. We may call ourselves (or aspire to) a marketing professional/ floral designer, a lawyer/ jewelry maker, a construction manager/ leather goods creator. We are not one thing.

The Passion Co. is a community of individuals living this culture to its fullest. For the past 2 years, we have helped more than 5,000 people around the world connect with their passions, and launch passion projects. We have dedicated ourselves to creating the perfect program: The 5-Week Launch Your Passion Program.”

As I mentioned, I’ve been wrestling with ideas for nine months. So receiving this email immediately made me feel guilty for not acting on it. But when I stepped back, I realized I already had the passion project this program claimed it would help me complete. I just didn’t have the tools or accountability to bring it to life. And I started thinking, what if this email is a sign…the kick in the butt I needed to stop thinking and start doing?

I started questioning my initial impression that this program wasn’t a good “brand fit”.

I thought and thought and thought until it hit me: That I need this program to put my idea into motion. And that idea is most definitely relevant and a good brand fit.

I also realized that I’ve been tweaking things on the blog left and right without explaining why. The last thing I want is to cause confusion or, worse, distrust in what I’m trying to achieve with this blog. And unfortunately, my actions have likely done that because I haven’t been explaining why I’ve been focusing on different things. And I sure as hell haven’t been obvious or consistent with it!

So I emailed Megan back and straight up asked her if I could be part of the program. I’d just convinced myself I needed this. I didn’t want to rely on the excuse of, “I can’t afford it right now,” to hold me back.

Luckily The Passion Co. liked my idea. I’m part of the program and there’s no turning back. I’ve put it in writing and made commitments. I am going to start putting this idea into motion.

So How Does It Work?

From August 16 (this upcoming Tuesday!) through Sept 27, I’ll be a student in The Passion Co.’s six-week course. I’ll meet with other students on Tuesdays from 6-9 pm and work to better understand my interests and bring this idea (my passion project) to life.

When Will You Reveal Your Project?

I know, I know. I’ve been cagey on the details of this idea. But I’ll tell you what it is in October after I complete the program. But I’ll be giving sneak peaks, launching relevant parts of the idea, and highlighting my experience over the next six weeks.

How Can We Follow Along?

I’ll be documenting my experience and giving you a glimpse of my passion project on Instagram and Twitter. So follow along there!

And, if you’re feeling stuck in your professional life and want to join me in the program, you’ll get insider access to my project. Bonus: for a relatively short time investment, we can work together to find out what makes us happy.

I can’t thank you enough for the patience you’ve shown me as I unpack exactly how to make this blog a reflection of me. People change and the blog has to change with me. It’s time to admit to my failings, come to terms with it, and take ownership to make it better. This is my effort to do so. And I hope you’ll come along on this journey with me to make sure I complete it.